Last week someone called me a Bitch.
It started with a conversation about my work followed by her telling me that I was the nicest person she knew... BOOM! I was triggered!
I blurted out, “What does that say about you?” Damn... it was rude. It was not compassionate. And it was not what this person was ready to hear. Here was the conversation:
“Excuse me!!” (She rightfully scolded me!)
“I am so sorry. Really. You didn’t deserve that especially from for someone you just met.”
She let her guard down just a little to ask, “Well, why would your just say something like that!”
“You’re right. I don’t know you. I don’t know your life. It’s none of my business... I was triggered by what you said.”
“Why would that trigger you?” She asked. (A little less angry) “... I was triggered because I automatically made the assumption that if I really was the ‘nicest person you knew’ then that means you are saying YES to a lot of people who are not nice to you. And that thought makes me angry because you deserve to have people in your life who genuinely care about you and are nice to you.”
She was quiet. She called me a bitch. And she left.
I had to sit with this for a few days. Of course circling how I could have handled the situation better. Been more compassionate. Asking myself what the root of that anger that fired up on me… I didn’t have her email and I was hoping I would run into her again.
I was lucky... she looked up my website and emailed me!!! She shared about her life and that she had been saying YES to people who are not nice to her... who take advantage of her. She shared about her bad marriage. Her kids. Her recent health problems. About how much she is hurting and how much she hates life but didn’t know what to do... and how I triggered her!
And then she thanked me... she didn’t know what to do before... but now she did. She said it felt so good to call me bitch (hahah!) and stand up for herself but what I said was true.
I’m not saying to poke your nose in others business. I got lucky. I need to work on why that triggered me... but there is something to this. Where are YOU saying YES to people who are not nice to you? And what is the fear around saying NO or phasing them out of your life? Saying YES to them is saying NO to you. This is one way you can empower yourself. ...You deserve to live a life you love!
<3 Danielle